7 tips on how to train BJJ with your ex

Spread the love

You and your ex have broken up and unfortunately for both of you, you share the same Brazilian Jiujitsu (BJJ) gym which let’s be honest is a world of pain all on its own. In this post, I will share with you my 7 tips on how to train BJJ with your ex and overcome the inevitable awkwardness and dread.

Acknowledge your priority: BJJ or the ex

Before, even considering going back into training, you need to sit yourself down and ask yourself what is your priority.

Every breakup is different and has its own sets of trials and tribulations. Once, you have asked yourself this question and the answer is that you prioritize your love for doing BJJ, the rest is easy to do.

Communicate openly and honestly

Communication is key if you want to continue training with your ex especially in BJJ which is primarily a body contact sport that doesn’t know the meaning of personal space.

Thus, it is of key importance to have an honest and open conversation with your ex on your goals and expectations during training.

Doing this will keep both of you focused on the goal at hand and will help to avoid any misunderstandings during training and keep the awkwardness down to a minimum.

You don’t have to be cold to your ex, you just have to be civil and professional of which I am sure is a relief for the rest of the class especially if its a tight knit group.

Establish boundaries

I am not going to lie. Coming back to training BJJ with your ex will be weird and awkward which is why establishing clear boundaries is essential.

Both you and your ex must communicate beforehand if there are techniques that you would like to avoid for the time being to avoid being caught in an uncomfortable situation.

This is to ensure that the training session will not only be comfortable but also still can be a fun experience/training session for both parties.

Focus on technique

Another good way to keep your mind focused on training instead of focusing on your ex is by focusing on improving and refining your technique.

By focusing on bettering your technique in BJJ, this will keep your mind busy in the want to improve in your skill as opposed to trying to compete with your ex.

Also, by doing this, it will create a positive and productive environment which will help both you and your ex in the long run.

Honestly, I personally am not the best at this as I am quite competitive. Unfortunately for me though, my ex has more skill in BJJ so being competitive with him in this area is useless as I am still a lowly spazzfest of a white belt and he is a blue belt.

But, one fine day, I SHALL AVENGE MY PRIDE!


Keep the personal chitchat outside of your training sessions.

You want your BJJ training sessions to be a sacred and safe space for not only you and your ex but also other BJJ training participants.

By having clear boundaries of what can be discussed during and after training, it can avoid any emotional triggers that may cause disruptions during training.

Be respectful

Unless your ex was toxic or abusive, it’s imperative that both you and your exes be respectful of each other and maintain a professional relationship during training.

Being respectful of each other is a no brainer because at the end of the day you chose to go back to train at a gym that your ex goes to, so you must be accountable for your own actions.

And that means to not go bonkers at the sight of your ex.

Have a support system

Having a support system is vital so you don’t go absolutely bananas and be an emotional trainwreck. We have to be focused on the endgame! Being an emotional trainwreck at the gym during training will only take away time and energy better spent at improving your BJJ techniques.

When I first went back to train BJJ a few months after my ex and I broke up, it wasn’t easy. Don’t get me wrong BJJ made me so happy but when those endorphins wears off those waterworks are back in business baby.

And I will forever be grateful for my bestfriends for being a shoulder to cry on because there were MANY nights where the waterworks factory was working overtime.


At the end of the day breakups are hard and they are harder still when you just broke up and love doing BJJ at the ONE AND ONLY GYM that has BJJ in your town.

The tips I shared here are just general advice and should be catered to your own situation. The best tip/advice I can give someone who is going through heartbreak and wants to continue training BJJ with/without their ex there is to just take your time and be kind to yourself. There is no issue if you take time off from BJJ to focus on yourself and your wellbeing.

So, there you have it my 7 tips on how to train BJJ with your ex. I hope these tips helps you out to navigate your own journey to self-healing and BJJ training.

Other BJJ posts

Breakups and BJJ: 9 Ways BJJ Can Help During Breakups

6 Benefits of Training BJJ


Where do I train BJJ

I train at the Warmonger Training Academy in Miri

The Coaches

Rusyan is our current coach for Monday – Wednesday classes.

Also, you can get 10% off with Rusyan’s promocode, JITSOMNIA, for AESTHETIC Asia gear.

I am not sponsored nor paid for this, I wish I was but alas…

Cameron and Jill is our coach for the ladies only class.

BJJ classes

Location: http://Warmonger Training Academy 016-870 2090   https://g.co/kgs/grzXkL

Spread the love