Breakups & BJJ: 9 ways BJJ can help during breakups

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Breakups are never fun, not only is it complex but its also far more emotionally complicated than what it’s worth. But, breakups are also the best time to capitalize on all that emotional turmoil and anguish for you to undergo a metamorphosis!

And what better way to kickstart that metamorphosis than by doing Brazilian Jiujitsu (BJJ)!

In this post, I am going to share with you 9 ways BJJ can help with a breakup. Trust me. This is all coming from personal experience.


Anger is a normal emotion to feel post-breakup and since lighting your exes car on fire is illegal we must find ways to have a beneficial and healthy outlet to release all our pent up anger and frustration.

Brazilian Jiujitsu (BJJ) is a good outlet and an activity that can be done to release all that negative emotion as you can unleash all that rage in a controlled environment.

This will not only lessen your mental and emotional load but it can also prevent you from partaking in self-destructive or harmful behaviors.

Jail time ain’t cute.

BJJ gives you something to focus on

The earliest stages of a breakup is the hardest to handle as not only are you dealing with your heartbreak but you are also dealing with your whole daily routine being upended.

The routine and habits you had previously now has to be changed as your ex is no longer in the picture and not having something constructive to fill your free time is dangerous as it can cause you to ruminate over the breakup causing you to be unnecessarily sad and overly self-critical.

BJJ can give you the structure and routine that you need post-breakup and let’s be honest it can be a good distraction. It is quite hard to think about your breakup when you are being shaped into a pretzel.

ISTG this is more fun than it looks

Also, if your situation is like mine whereby you and your ex share the same BJJ gym, it is quite cathartic to focus on your training, so you can do as much physical damage to your ex AND ITS LEGAL!

BJJ provides a sense of achievement

BJJ is a sport that has MANY techniques that can be learned to suit your body’s capabilities.

Learning and mastering a new technique takes time and this will give you not only a sense of purpose but also helps you focus on something that isn’t your ex or the breakup.

When I first started doing BJJ, I couldn’t do most of the drills and front and lateral rolls were my enemy as I couldn’t do it no matter how much I tried.

But after weeks and months of practice I can now proudly say I can do front and back rolls confidently without feeling scared that I will crack my neck and that truly gave me not only a sense of achievement but honestly it gave me a sense of pride.

My lateral rolls still suck but hey I can partially do them now so I take it as improvement.

BJJ gives space for your own self worth and value

With partaking in any activity that necessitates you to put in a lot of effort and hard work, it can boost your self confidence and self esteem.

Because you can see all your hard work coming to fruition and seeing the outcome of your effort will make you see yourself in a positive light.

Talking about my own experience in BJJ, I was very shy to roll with other people who weren’t my ex or my other favorite training partner, as I felt like other experienced BJJ practitioners would get bored rolling with me.

But, now with the increase in my confidence in BJJ, I just go with the flow and roll with other people. It does have its drawbacks though because a few weeks back I rolled with a guy from a different gym and long story short I was MASSACRED.

Never in my life did I roll with someone who just flipped me all over the place AND MADE MY CONTACT LENS COME OUT FROM MY EYEBALL! Suffice to say I was traumatised but hey, it’s all in the name of learning.

BJJ lifts your mood

For this segment, I will leave it to the great Elle Woods to explain why BJJ (or exercising in general) lifts your mood.

BJJ forces you to live in the moment

Doing BJJ requires a high level of focus as you need to concentrate on what moves you need to do against your opponent to gain the upper hand during rolls.

This helps you to actively stay in the present moment and helps you to practice mindfulness.

Being mindful of the preset moment can help you feel more grounded and not think too much on the negative emotions that comes with a breakup.

With enough time, you can implement the practice of living in the present moment and being mindful not only during BJJ training but also your daily life.

And wouldn’t that be a relief to not be s preoccupied with your ex.

BJJ improves your social life and surrounds you with supportive people

The BJJ community in my town is tiny and I am assuming that it is the same in most places. There’s at best 6 people in the class on a good day at the gym I go to and with small classes it’s easier for you to interact and befriend everybody.

Also, because the BJJ community in my town is small everybody is nice to each other especially to newbies because we want new people to stick with BJJ and we finally can say we have a new member that has joined the BJJ cult.

And if you think about it cults when done right provide you with a sense of community due to the friendships and relationships that are formed and they are there for you during times of distress so you will feel less alone.

So, if you are feeling lonely and think you have nobody there to support you during your time of distress, do join a BJJ cult near you.

BJJ helps you learn new skills that could change your life

BJJ is a sport that teaches you not only to problem solve on the fly but also think strategically especially during rolling sessions.

This is because during rolling or training, you must have a game plan on what move you want to do and concurrently you must anticipate how would you counter your opponents moves.

And sometimes the original plan doesn’t go as planned and you must think of a new strategy on submitting your opponent.

I am unfortunately not at this stage of my BJJ life yet where I can submit my opponent, during rolling my one and only strategy is to just survive as best as I can and hope for the best.

Aside from strategic thinking BJJ also teaches you to be calm in the face of adversity which is great when dealing with breakups.

With these two skills; strategic thinking and being calm, you can be unstoppable in your journey to self-healing and self-love post-breakup!

Or you can also use these two skills to take your ex down and mess with his life. The choice is yours.

BJJ makes you physically, mentally and emotionally healthier

BJJ is a sport that demands a lot physicality from its participants. Do not let it fool you into thinking BJJ consists only of aggressive hugging.

It is due to this that the physical side effect of doing BJJ is that you will get a good workout in especially if after training you roll with everybody.

Also, once you love doing BJJ like I do, you start to incorporate other workouts such as strength training and cardio so you can improve more in BJJ.

Other than that, BJJ teaches you to be humble and to lower your ego as it would take a lot of work for you to start being able to submit another BJJ practitioner consistently. 

Not to mention, doing BJJ also teaches you to be consistent and disciplined and instills in you a never give up attitude.

All of this (and more) will mould you into a better person whereby you can overcome anything including that pesky breakup.


There you have it folks, 9 ways BJJ can help during breakups. I hope this post inspires you to try BJJ and (hopefully) loving it.


Where do I do BJJ

I train at the Warmonger Training Academy in Miri and the class is taught by Coach Nigel (Insta: theslndrmn).

BJJ classes are as follows:

Location: http://Warmonger Training Academy 016-870 2090

The Coaches

Rusyan is our current coach for Monday – Wednesday classes.

Also, you can get 10% off with Rusyan’s promocode, JITSOMNIA, for AESTHETIC Asia gear.

I am not sponsored nor paid for this, I wish I was but alas…

Camy (Cameron) and Jill are the coaches for the ladies class

Other BJJ related posts

7 tips on how to train BJJ with your ex

6 Benefits of Training BJJ

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